Appletizers

The other day we were having a meal with Chuck's family and the food wasn't quite ready. Of course the kids were already sitting at the table and were hungry. So I said to David, "Let me give you guys an appetizer." Unfortunately I was cutting up an apple for them. Try explaining to a 3 year old the difference between appetizers and apple-tizers.

So now he asks for yogurt-tizers, snack-tizers, and all sorts of other things. Yesterday he woke up and got some cereal out of the cabinet. When we walked in he said, "I'm having a cereal-tizer!"

Micah

Just an update on what all Micah is doing lately. He is such a sweet baby and is usually very content. He has started smiling and even trying to laugh a little bit. He "talks" some with coos and noises and the kids think it is hilarious! David and Rae love him so much and call him "my baby." He always seems happy to be in the middle of their chaos. It doesn't seem to bother him at all when they are loud and rowdy.

He has slept from 10p to 6a three nights in a row now! I'm thrilled. I love it and wonder how I managed when he was getting up multiple times during the night. He has decided that he loves his "lovey" from Aunt Raeanna and we often times find him scooted up next to his rabbit with its softest parts on his face and head.

He is very sensitive to what I eat. He's a little gassy so I try to be really careful. He can't tolerate cabbage, chocolate, much caffeine, or tomato based stuff. These I figured out the hard way! Mylicon is our friend.

I'm not sure how we ever lived without him. He's such a sweet heart. Every time I look at him I want to squeeze the life out of him because I filled so overwhelmed with love. (I know that really doesn't make sense but if you've ever felt that way then you know what I mean!)

I'm about to leave the house for a movie watching date with a friend of mine. I can't wait. I haven't gotten to do something like this since the summer so I'm really looking forward to it. Chuck's sister is coming to watch the kids. Thank the Lord for sisters!

Just wanted to update y'all on Micah. Have a good weekend!

Smiles and Spanish (AKA Oh, I am so tired)

We have been so busy lately and I'm not even sure what we've been doing! I've put off posting because I'm enbarassed by my lack of pictures. But screw it, I'm doing the best I can. So, here is an update:

Two weeks ago we were told that our house buyers backed out of our contract, Chuck pulled a muscle in his back (read: Mama has to take care of everything and is worn out), Chuck's sister got a bad report on her quad screen re Down Syndrome, and that was also when I had a clogged milk duct and felt like I had the flu. Milk ducts are now fine, nephew looks good with no abnormalities showing on the ultrasound, Chuck's back is a little better (at least the moaning and groaning has subsided somewhat), but still no buyer.

One week ago Chuck's family was here for Thanksgiving as well as all of mine minus my older sister Raeanna. We sort of alternated, seeing my family one day and Chuck's the next. The kids were totally worn as as well as having colds. Rae's cough has been so bad that it has made her throw up a few times. And let me tell you - she is such a girl! She starts screaming, "I spit up! I spit up!" and wants to be cleaned immediately. We did manage to get most of our Christmas shopping done and let me just say that I'm relieved.

This week I have been to see our Dr. twice - once for well baby and once for sick older kids. I feel like I've been seeing him a lot lately. He's so nice but he's such a man. Micah was fussy on Monday and he asked me (in his cute Indian accent), "Why is he crying? Is he hungry?" Good grief! If I fed him every time he fussed my nipples would fall off. Whatever.

Next week Chuck's 80 year old grandmother is having surgery (pelvic prolapse (ick, you don't even want to know what can happen when we get older!)) and then I am having some semi-permanent birth control two days later. I'm nervous about the first and thrilled about the second!

OH! Smiles and Spanish! Micah has started smiling. He looks so cute when he does it. He almost looks like a grown man. So sweet.

I overheard David and Rae talking in the bathtub the other night and she was gibbering away to him (even though she can talk as clearly as I can) and he finally stopped her and said, "Rae! I can't speak Spanish." I laughed so hard. Sometimes I want to say that to my family when they are pulling on me constantly and asking for stuff. "People! I can't speak whatever language you're speaking and therefore will begin ignoring you now."

Sorry it was so long. Thanks for the two people who got through all of this.

Christmas Junkie

I confess to being a Christmas Junkie. If it were socially acceptable I would listen to Christmas music all year. That is why I just finished floofing our fake Christmas tree. That's right, I put up our tree before Thanksgiving. I can't help it! I love this time of year. I love the cold, the lights, the aforementioned music, and everything else. I'm not sure why. I don't have any one strong memory of Christmas time just that it was a happy time for all of us.

So, for all of you closet Christmas junkies out there, you have company. I'm going to go sit by the tree now.

Second Week Stories

Micah is now 2 weeks old. I can't believe it. I feel like I have known him forever. It's amazing how such a tiny baby can be such a perfect fit with our family. David so loves his little brother and I love watching that grow.

So here are few of the things that happened this past week. Sorry, no pics again. Our computer is a little sick and tired and we haven't had time to get our digital pics on a disc yet. Patience everyone.

Anyway - last Sunday we took all 3 kids shopping for much needed clothes and shoes. It was a nightmare. Everyone acted badly (mommy and daddy included) except Micah. Rae started screaming in Wal-Mart and wouldn't stop. David did everything he could do to act crazy and Chuck and I shouted like both of our kids were deaf. Sigh....It was rough. In Chuck's words, "I am running my underwear up the flag pole. I surrender." Uh-uh. No way buddy. If anybody around here gets to quit it's me.

Micah has started waking up only once at night. Praise be to God.

I started the Love Dare book from the movie Fireproof over a week ago. It's really transformational. It really is. More on that at a later time.

I asked David to kiss Micah's hiney tonight. (Oh calm down. It was diapered and clothed.) It's just so cute when they have it all stuck out. He told me no way. "That's a private part." Well, at least my messages are getting through. There's hope.

Rae held Micah for the first time the other night. True, she started crying as soon as she touched him but we're making progress. At least she touched him!

I'm going to have ice cream before nursing Micah one last time tonight. I know I know. Don't judge. IT does have fruit in it!

First Week Funnies

Well, Micah has been here a week and he is such a sweet baby. Thank you Jeannie and Hannah for posting that first day for me. I'm still not crazy about the idea of sitting at the computer for long stretches of time so there are no pics today. Soon though. Maybe this weekend.

I have had some really funny things to laugh at this week and thought I would share a few of them.

David luuuuvs his new brother and can be heard singing the lullaby song to him at any given moment. Of course, he makes up his own words. Chuck heard him singing, "Lullaby and good night, I wish you could play with me but you ca-ant."

One night. late late in the evening (or was it early in the morning?) I was feeding Micah and noticed how cold his little foot was. After nursing him his foot was still cold and I thought I would check to see if the other one was. I thought his foot was tucked into his gown. Not so. He had wiggled it into his diaper! His whole foot up to his ankle was stuffed in his diaper. I laughed so hard I started to get those hysterical tears. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

Okay, now he's crying my name and I have to go. I'll update again soon.

Micah Is Here!!!!!

Our absolutely perfect and beautiful Micah

arrived today at 1:52 p.m.

He weighs 7lb 9oz

and is 21 inches long.

He has his big brother's mouth...

you just can't tell in the picture bc of his little hand.

(This Jeannie posting for Kate....Forgive me for not getting

a picture of Kate and Chuck with Micah!!! Those pics will come soon, though.

They should be home on Saturday. )

Micah Adams Von Glahn is Here!

Hey Guys. I'm making a post for Kate since she is in the hospital with baby Micah!! Kate had an appointment this morning and was so close that they decided to go ahead and send her to the hospital where they broke her water and gave her pitocin. He made his debut around 2:00 this afternoon after a short labor. Micah weighs 7 lbs. 9 oz. and is 21" long with lots of dark hair. Mama says that he looks a lot like David did as a baby and he is so far very peaceful. Kate and Micah are both doing great. She was up and getting a shower before 5:00!

Kate just wanted to make sure everyone knew their exciting news!!

Barbie and pregancy - unrelated to one another

I am upset. I just saw an advertisement for some kind of party girl Barbie. It's a cruise ship where Barbie can "swim and flirt" (yes, the commercial actually said that) then there is a bed where Barbie can take some sort of power nap, and a nightclub dance floor.

Are you kidding me? I want to get Rae some little girl toys for Christmas. Uh, not that one. Gross.

Still pregnant. Have appointment tomorrow. We'll let you know what happens.

Our Life

I haven't blogged in a week because I kept thinking that I would go into labor and the next blog would be about our beautiful new baby.

Unfortunately not.

I'm still pregnant. I mean, good grief. I was at 3 1/2 cm yesterday and the midwife said if I haven't gone into labor on my own by next Thursday then, if I want to, we will talk about an induction date. Are you kidding me? Of course I will want to! I'm very ready to have Micah here and settle into life with three kids. Sigh....

Speaking of life, it's still going on around here. David had some kind of wicked headache thingy on Wednesday. Not exactly sure what it was but he is better now. I took him to see the Nurse Practitioner and she gave us some anti-nausea medicine so he could sleep it off. He did. Bless his heart.

Rae is getting her big teeth in. She's pretty miserable. She's like her mama and is not into pain. She's also been coming up to me and telling me that she wants to poo-poo in the potty. Are you kidding me? I'm so not ready for that journey. She's going to have to stay in diapers for a little while longer.

Chuck worked so hard last week and got the house in town completely ready for the new owners so now we are just waiting on them to get their stuff together and we will close. We're excited. It's really nice to have him home on days like today (it's flooding here) and not have any projects hanging over our heads.

We have been so blessed by the Lord recently and yet in the middle of it all have one particular area that we really are having to trust Him for. Why is it so hard? After all we have watched Him do this should be no stretch for us. Our humanity gets on my nerves sometimes.

Okay, that's it. Maybe my next post really will be about the new baby.

We're In!

We are in our beautiful new home! Our awesome church family came and got us completely settled this past weekend and we are able to just enjoy it. Chuck is working hard on our house in town to get it ready for the new buyers and has been blessed to have some good help.

The kids already love it out here and David said, "There's my new home!" today when we came up on the hill. It was really fun to hear his excitement.

Now we are ready for Micah to come. There's a full moon tonight. Here's hoping!

Note To Self

Not To Self: Don't take two tired and hungry kids to eat at Subway. It could be disastrous. That's all I'm going to say about that. Need to lay down now from all of the trauma.

It's Official

Okay - It's official. We're moving. We've been planning this and praying about it for a while now but it looks like we're actually going to do it. We have signed a contract with a couple to buy the house we are currently in and we are moving to my grandaddy's house out in the country.

Deep breath.

It'll be good. I'm nervous. We're doing the move before the baby comes, which I think will be best, but I am a little concerned b/c it doesn't help my nesting urges. Anyway, It will be good. It will be good. It will be good. Boy, I'm nervous.

Maybe I'll have some pics up before the baby comes. Probably not knowing me.

Security

I recently met a woman in her early twenties - very sweet, very cute, and very on top of life. She's a big time planner and she was telling me about some of the plans she had made. Think lots of insurance policies, retirement funds, etc. The funny (not really funny, more like interesting) thing was that she had such fear written all over her. She's way more prepared for the future than Chuck and I are (and we have 3 kids!) and yet it seems that she's terrified of it too. This is what got me thinking.

I don't think there is anything wrong with planning. I do believe that the Lord is happy for us to live in nice homes, have plenty to eat, and have our bills covered. I just think that sometimes he allows life to be hard to challenge us to trust and love him. You can plan for the bad but there is no insurance policy to keep it away from your life. You just have to walk through it. Cancer, job losses, death, unpaid bills - all of that happens. Why be afraid of the "stuff" when you know that the Creator of the Universe holds you in his hand?

Last night on Grey's Anatomy (I know, I know) Meredith said she was going to lean into the wind/lean into the fear so she could experience love. I think that is actually sort of profound for a nighttime show! If we choose not to lean into the pain and trauma that sometimes is life then we miss the opportunity to lean into Christ. He is always in the midst of our pain and messes that sometimes the pain and messes are actually a blessing!

So many times I have experienced such comfort from the presence of the Lord because of something painful that it's easy to say thank you for the pain! Of course then there are other times when I can't see the good and feel like Job's friends who said curse God and die!

Anyway, those are the things I'm thinking about. What joy we miss when we try to insulate ourselves from all pain and hurt. The stretching is painful but our Father will not allow it to break us. That's really what I wanted to tell that girl. So I'll tell y'all.

Baby Update

I saw the midwife today and got good news. I've been having lots of contractions lately so I was worried that I might have already dilated and at 34 weeks that would be not good. But! He's still hanging in there and not making any moves toward arrival. That's good. Now, when I hit the 36 week mark - all prayers are off and he needs to start making his way here.

So, all is good here. I'm glad.

Upheaval

Life at our house has been a little chaotic lately. The kids definately know that something is different. I think it is unsettling to them that I can't hold them and pick them up like I usually can. David burst into tears yesterday over some little something and then started asking for Grandma. When I asked why he said so she could hold him and rock him. Sigh... I volunteered to do it but he said my stomach was too big and there was no room for him. This is the part of pregnancy that I don't like. It's hard to see the kids get pushed over a little to make room for a new one.

RAe has been super clingy, another by-product of these late days of pregnancy I think. She wants to be held all the time and refuses to let me out of her sight, even at home. She had gotten better about this and I thought we were turning a corner but apparently not.

On the upside, I am feeling good except for being tired and heavy. That's not too bad to be this late in the game. I'm 33 weeks today so I'm definately making progress. Lots of contractions so I'm hoping that means when it's time that I will have a quick labor.

Anyway, that's our update. I haven't been very good at blogging lately and I make no promises for the weeks to come. Be patient with me!

An Awkward (Thanks for the spell check!) Conversation

So I had a phone call today from PeachState. PeachState is a Medicaid company that is supplementing our health insurance while I am pregnant and for Micah's first year of life. This young sounding guy wanted to enroll the baby for free and send me a Wal-Mart $25 gift card. Okay, I'm up for that but I needed to answer questions first. No problem. I know that's really how they determine what kind of people are using their services and if they are effective. I'm good.

Then he starts his questions. Now let me assure you that if I was having multiple sexual partners or "engaging in risky sexual behaviors" then I would have been embarassed. But since I'm a one man woman it was okay.

Then he starts asking questions about my uterus and vagina (including vaginal discharge!) and it got kinda weird. I finally stopped him and asked, "Doesn't it horrify you to have to ask women these kinds of questions?" He said, "Yes, Ma'am. It was really difficult at first. And some woman have actual answers to some of these questions." Yikes. Bless his heart. I know a job is a job and it's good that he's willing to support his family but again - bless his heart.

Ladies, we need to be interceding for this man a better job. Yick. Can you imagine having to listen to all that kind of info from women all day long? All I can say is bless his heart and God give him another job that does not involve women's vaginas. (Unless of course he is in med school to become a OB/GYN Dr. and he is using this job to supplement his income and in that case.....I don't know.)

Mothers With Young Children And Mental Health Facilities

I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend of mine yesterday. She has a couple of small children and is currently staying home with them. She's worn out. She started talking about how she just wanted to sleep and not wake up and how she wanted to check herself into a Mental Health Facility (let's just use MHF for short here).

So, I started to ask her the important questions like, "Do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to hurt your children?" (okay, any more than the rest of us do when they have smart mouths?) And it finally came to me and I asked her, "Friend, do you really want to kill yourself and stuff your children into body bags or do you just want 3 or 4 days off to sleep as much as you want?"

What was her reply? Exactly what mine would have been, "But Kate, they will cook all of my meals and keep the place clean and they would have to listen to me! Plus, I wouldn't be allowed to have children there."

This is pretty funny to me and pretty serious to me all at the same time. Haven't we all felt like that at some point? Okay, so some of us haven't actually had to visit a MHF to get away but there is certainly a breaking point for all of us. The point we get to when we say, "I want out."

Now, if we're smart we will recognize that point before we need a MHF or a permanent out from life. It's really okay, in my opinion, to take an out. Go "out" with a friend before you want to get out of your marriage. Go "out" to the library or grocery store alone before you want out of your children's lives permanently.

How do we get an out? We ask. Ask your family. Ask your friends. (mine were great last weekend by the way, Thanks Anna and Jeannie) Ask your husband. (After all he was there when these kids of yours began) Remember that pride goes before a fall and pretending that you have it all together when you really don't is just stupid. It only hurts you and your family in the long run.

If you are a mother with small children, a single woman with no children, a single woman with children, a mother with older children - you still need an out. Make time for yourself before the MHF starts to call your name!

Terrible Thing

Tonight I sent David into the bathroom to brush his teeth by himself. A few minutes later I heard him call, "Mama! Come here. I've done a terrible thing in the bathroom."

Where does this kid get this stuff from? His "terrible thing" was getting toothpaste on the sink instead of his brush. Totally fixable, I assured him.

Gustav, Palin, etc.

Well, I know it's been a while since I've updated. I'm sorry. I got David and Rae pretty much well and then DAvid started throwing up! Yikes! I've heard a few mamas talk about how their children were constantly sick when they first started school. My question is, how long will this last? Good grief!

Poor New Orleans. Gustav is bearing down on them. What must those residents be feeling? I'm really sorry for them.

Sarah Palin, John McCain's surprise VP pick. Kind of exciting....I'm interested to see what she can do. She sort of excites me more than McCain does!

This picture is of me and an old friend at her baby shower. She's just two weeks ahead of me. So fun!

Okay, that's it for now.

Rainy Day Update

My husband is home because of the rain. Thank the Lord.

When It Rains It Pours

Ever heard that expression? Well, it's "pouring" here and I don't mean from Tropical Storm Fay either. Last night Rae had a fever of 104. What!?! Where did that come from? She's been fine and then all of a sudden - bam! The next few times I checked her temp (at 2 and 6 this AM) there was no fever but I still kept medicating her afraid that it would come back.


Anyway, David has been fever free since Monday but he is acting so weird lately. This morning he got up weeping and wailing about something or other at 6 when I was seeing about Rae. He is whiny and gets tired out from the smallest thing. Great. This means that I can't send him to 3K which means I will have them both all day again, which means another day of needing to grocery shop that will have to be put off.

No groceries no problem you say? Well, that would be true except that my iron is low from pregnancy which means I have zero energy. And I do mean zero. Yesterday I could barely lift my head I was so tired. I need some iron rich foods that I can stomach (and I need to have my iron Rx filled) because apparently my queasiness has come back a tad.

I know that I'm whining but I've had about 5 hours of sleep and I'm truly exhausted.

Anyway, by the time I start getting comments on this post I'm sure I'll be in a better state of mind but until then....when it rains it pours.

Thumbs Up Thumbs Down

My husband is very helpful, especially during this trying time of pregnancy. He really is. I ocassionally have to remind him to be but for the most part - he's on the ball. Today though, he gets a thumbs up AND a thumbs down.

Thumbs up - At lunchtime he took time out of his lunch hour to put Rae in the bed. She was whiny and it was a good thing.

Thumbs Down - He put her to bed with nothing but a diaper on. Moms everywhere are saying, "Ooooh." That's right. When I went in to get her she had ripped her poopy diaper off and had peed on her bed at least twice. Thankfully she hadn't played in her own fecal matter.

So, that's why dear old dad gets both a thumbs up and a thumbs down.

The Thing About A Fever

When David was about 6 months old he got his first really high fever. It was scary. We worried, prayed, called the Dr. and then it went away on its own. No reason. Just came and went. Well, apparently he is pre-disposed to them b/c he gets them 4 or 5 times a year. Sometimes mild, sometimes really high and strong but they eventually leave. Last summer he even had one for 10 days! (We ran all kinds of tests and it left as suddenly as it came. Whatever.)

But these are the things that I have noticed about a fever:

1) They tend to come without warning. Maybe a little fussiness a day or so before but that's it.

2) They can go from low grade to raging in like a nanosecond.

3) They never happen during the day or during the week. It's almost always at night after hours or on the weekend when you can't get to the Dr.

4) The days afterward are the worst. It's sad when they are pitiful and don't have energy but Mama is really sad when they are fever free and a real pill.

Right now we are fever free but boy is he a pill. He's all sweet one minute and the next he is screaming about something inconsequential. Jesus help us.

Adventures in PreSchool

Well, Wednesday my firstborn started 3K at a local church. I just can't believe it. I just brought the little booger home from the hospital and here he is walking into his classroom without a backward glance for Mama.

He has had a great time so far. The first day he wet his pants (he was afraid he would miss something) and the next day he got in trouble for hitting (okay, what 3 year old doesn't hit? We're working on it. Cut us some slack!) but today he had an all around good day. I had to talk Chuck down from pulling him out on Thursday. He was convinced that our child was being "picked on." Whatever. You can't have 10 3 year olds peeing their pants and hitting each other. It just wouldn't work. But David's self esteem has remained intact (I'm laughing as I type b/c if you know David you know he does not have self esteem problems!) and he wanted to call his teacher to "tell her that I love her." Too funny. Just don't think she wants a Friday afternoon call from one of her 3 year olds.

I feel like I'm huge. Seriously. I've got three months left and I feel enormous. My weight gain is okay I just think I'm growing faster than I did with the other ones. I feel old and achy almost every afternoon. Yeesh. I've all but stopped picking the kids up. I have to sit down to hold them now. What a bummer.

TRUST

Trust seems to be the buzzword for my life right now. We have some big decisions to make right now and we just don't know the right way. Psalm 37 talks alot about resting in the Lord and trusting His plan and ways and His goodness and generosity with His people.

I'm trusting. I really am.

I trust you. I trust you. I trust you.

Beach Fun

This is a picture of all of the kids that were at the beach with us (at the airport where their parents flew out of)My pregnant belly reading at the beach on Sunday. Chuck led us in worship Sunday morning before our beach trip. We are so glad that Rusty and Chuck were able to come for Friday through Tuesday. They were an enormous help!
We have been to the pool or beach every day except yesterday (it rained and we were lazy). Today David jumped into some little girls arms and said, "Hey!" This picture is of him with his new friends whose names we don't know.

Apparantly every boy needs a pair of "goddles" to see underwater with. We will definately have to invest in a pair for next summer.

It is our last night here at the beach and we have really had a good time. The oldest of the 8 kids that are here is 12 and she has been a huge help with no complaining and such a willing spirit. It has made a huge difference. We are tired but have enjoyed ourselves.

The family whose house we are staying at are in China for 2 weeks to bring home their new little girl that they have adopted. Check out their blog here. We have enjoyed their four kids here at home and will look forward to seeing the rest of them when they get back in the US.

David has really done well and is looking forward to 3k next week. Lots of excitement with that! Rae has been with Mama since last Thursday and they are now at Hannah's. Check out her blog. Maybe she will have some pics!

Post again soon.

Whirlwind

I have been in such a whirlwind this past week and probably for the week to come. It's fun stuff but it's busy.

Last Saturday I went to east GA for a wedding of an old college friend. Scott and Ann's wedding was really so sweet and I'm glad I went. I got to see friends from Athens and from Blakely so that was really fun.

The next day I went the The Fox Theatre and saw The Color Purple with a friend. Really fun! At first I was thinking, "This story is so depressing. I'm going to leave at intermission" but eventually some redemption came through and it was fun. The singing and dancing was phenomenal and I really enjoyed that part of it.

Having the weekend "off" was great but I really paid for all that driving with my back. I sat on a heating pad all day on Monday!

Tomorrow I leave with Jeannie and we are going to the beach with 8 children! I think it will be fun but I'm a little nervous. Thankfully the husbands will be there for 4 of the 8 nights so that will really help a ton.

Sooo, you won't hear from me most likely for a week or so. (or however long it takes to recuperate after the trip!) Have a great week!

Farmers at the Pharmacy

So David and I had an interesting conversation this morning. They are tearing down a few houses in town to make room for a pharmacy and I was trying to explain this to David. It went something like this.

Look David! They are tearing those houses down! Look at the big equipment.

Mama, where are those people that live there? They will be so sad that their houses are gone.

No, baby. People don't live there anymore and they got paid money to let their houses be torn down.

But they loved those houses. (of course he has never met anyone who has lived in one of those houses)

No darling, it's okay. They got paid money so they can build a pharmacy there.

Mama, no! I don't want farmers to live there. They live in dirt not in houses. (Not sure where he thinks his daddy and grandaddy live.)

No David. A pharmacy is where we get medicine. That's different than farmers.

Oh. Well, I didn't want them to tear those houses down...... Can we go swimming today?

Preparation

I have been preparing for Micah's arrival today. This is the earliest that I have ever done this kind of thing but it's because I'm getting smarter! In a few months I'll be bigger, more tired, and will feel overwhelmed so this is a great time, in my opinion, for me to do all of this. We are transitioning Rae into sharing a room with her brother and she is thrilled about it! They love talking to each other and keeping one another awake.


David and I were talking about how Micah is in my stomach swimming around. David wanted to know if Micah was wearing swimmies. Too cute. He's moving a lot and it's exciting to feel him and know that he is there.


Here are two cute pics of the kids doing their summertime thing. They both love the water and David doesn't mind being hot nearly as much as Rae does! We have to keep her shaded.

Insecure Parents

I have a thought/theory that has been rolling around in my head for a while now. Insecure parents make insecure kids. Now I know that there are some insecure parents with confident and secure kids and vice versa but I have some strong memories that make me believe in my theory. And the reason that I am thinking about this is because David is now at the stage where he is playing and interacting with other kids who are old enough to reject him and truthfully that fact makes my stomach turn. Let me explain.

We all want our children to be loved, popular, and perfect. (or something like that) I would be thrilled if David is student body pres. one day or has more friends than you can shake a stick at but when I see other kids ocassionally laugh at him or pick at him (because they are kids and we have to teach them better) or adults become sharp with him when he misbehaves then I want to rip their eyes out! Yikes! And it makes me afraid..... I don't want him to hurt. Skinning a knee is much more preferable than a broken heart, which he will eventually have one day I'm sure. It's life.

Now to the memories. There was a girl in my class at school (yes, I know I was homeschooled but when you live in Camilla everyone your same age was "in my class") whose mama was really serious about her fitting in and not being excluded. Her mama would talk to the school principle and try to have him make the other kids be nice to her. It's been 20 years and I can still remember how it embarassed this girl, made her more of an outcast, and how hurt she and her mother both were by it all. What if her mama had been secure in who she and her daughter both were? What if she had taught her that it's good to have one or two good friends? After all, one steady friend is worth a pile of acquaintances.

I'm just thinking that if I wrap up my own insecurities and fears about acceptance and rejection into my children then they actually suffer for it and then not only are they rejected by peers (which is gonna happen at least a little bit) then they also feel rejected by me because they haven't achieved or done enough.

That's the kind of stuff that carries on with people and continues to make their lives hurt.

I'm not sure if I said it all how I've been thinking about it. I may need to post another time later to get it out right!

If somebody has a better way to say this then let me know.

Searching For The Victories

As my belly grows and things become a little harder around here, I have been drawn to my knees more and more. My times with the Lord have become my lifelines and I'm so grateful. My emotional state has actually become something that I feel is a blessing. It pushes me closer to who He is which I need to know so desperately right now.

With that said, I was feeling very frustrated and disappointed with myself (okay and maybe God too) in that I still feel kind of nutty some days. I still lose my temper with the kids, ocassionally yell, even spank when it's not necessarily needed. And oh the despair that comes when I fail. I feel that I'm back at the bottom with no good things going on.

But I think the Lord is showing me that searching for perfection is foolishness. I need to be searching for the victories and celebrating those. If I want to shout at a whiny toddler 5 times a day and only actually do it 2 times then that is a victory! If I choose time out (even once!) for a defiant, smart mouthed 3 year old when I feel that I would spank too hard then I have won a small battle! There are victories here in this mess of my emotions if only I will look for them.

I am making progress. I really am. I do see maturity (when I allow myself to see the good) and growth in me and I think that My Father is celebrating this and inviting me to join Him.

Isn't it awesome that we serve a God who is excited about who we are becoming and isn't so caught up on what we are not.

Who Are You?

vs 12-13 "I, even I, am he who comforts you.

Who are you that you fear mortal men,

the sons of men, who are but grass,

that you forget the Lord your Maker,

who stretched out the heavens

and laid the foundations of the earth,

that you live in constant terror every day

because of the wrath of the oppressor,

who is bent on destruction?

For where is the wrath of the oppressor?

vs. 15-16 For I am the Lord your God,

who churns up the sea that its waves roar -

the Lord Almighty is his name.

I have put words in your mouth

and covered you with the shadow of my hand - "

Who am I that I would fear having 3 babies under the age of 3? Who am I that I

would fear being unable to handle the stress of this life that God has chosen for me? Who am I to fear my oppressor? Where is my oppressor? Every thing that would come against me is less than my God is. I am covered by the shadow of his hand, the Lord God Almighty that churns up the sea so that the waves roar! Who am I to fear?

Micro-suede

DISCLAIMER: If you have micro-suede on your crib bedding please do not read this because I am going to mock you!


Okay, so I'm looking on e-bay for cute crib bedding for Micah and there are all these sets with micro-suede as the main material and they are proud of it! All of them are "Plush, luxurious micro-suede bedding for your little one." Are you kidding me? Let me make a short list of why micro-suede is terrible for crib bedding.

A#1) It's hot! Who wants to sleep under the hottest material known to man second only to leather?

B#2) It doesn't "breathe." Choking/suffocation hazard in my opinion.

C#3) Think about your child pulling off his diaper a few times with micro-suede nearby. Yeah. And sppit up, vomit, pee, etc. I'm sick to my stomach too.

I don't think I need to go any further. Y'all understand what I mean. I apologize if I offended someone but I told you not to read this.

Baby Micah

We went for an ultrasound today and we are having another boy! David is thrilled since he has been asking for a brother the whole time (except for last night and this morning but he will soon be back to his love for a brother I'm sure).

The ultrasound tech was terrible and wouldn't tell us anything which, of course, freaked me out. I cried really hard because it scared the crap out of me. I've never had a tech refuse to tell me anything at all. It was weird. I was so glad that Chuck was with me. She finally did tell us that if anything was wrong she would have called her supervisor and then my Dr. My midwife said, "no news is good news" and not to worry that that particular tech was obviously just a stickler for the rules. She will call me tonight or tomorrow and confirm that everything is okay. Sigh....such trauma. That tech had never been pregnant. She has no idea the crazy paranoid thoughts I have to battle every day obviously!

Anyway, we love the name Micah for a boy and are really looking forward to meeting him. Just thought y'all would want to know!

Update

I had a good response to my idea so I think I'll create a separate blog for that purpose. I'll put out the address once I get it done. I also think Hannah's idea of people taking different days of the week is a good one. I'll write more about it as I work it out.

I had a very encouraging e-mail from a more seasoned mother friend of mine. The point she made (which I think is crucial) is that I have to refuse discouragement and feelings of failure because who is the author of those? My Heavenly Father is gentle and kind in His correction and doesn't make me feel like crap.

He is my encourager and the lifter of my head and if that is not how I'm feeling then I can know where it is coming from. I guess I just needed a reminder. I'm feeling much stronger now just because I now feel like the enemy is the "enemy" and not myself. Thanks Jeannie.

We have a busy weekend coming up. Hope y'all have a good one.

An Idea

I have an idea for those who are interested. Here's what I was thinking:

Bible Studies and groups for mothers with young children are almost impossible. Unless you go to MOPS or have enough money to hire a babysitter, it's really tough to get together with other mothers and most have to/need to work outside of the home.

What if we have a virtual Bible Study/Support Group with each other? At least, those of us who blog? It would be unique from message boards at like BabyCenter.com or other places because most of us know the people who we blog with AND it would be encouraging us not only as mothers but as Christians trying to find our way.

There are not a lot of stay at home moms where I am and, quite frankly, if you do stay at home it's mostly a solitary business because hauling multiple children around is no easy feat.

So what I was thinking was that maybe we could take turns "hosting" the group each other. Maybe whoever is responsible for the month could do a daily post of whatever length which includes something the laugh about, something to think about, and something to encourage us.

Is anyone interested? If so, let me know and we can brainstorm. Geographically, we'll never be able to get together but this way we could actually interact and support each other each day.

What do you think?

A Little Better

Thank you so much for the comments. They really helped. Sometimes I just need someone to not look at me like I'm stupid and say, "Oh, I know what you mean!" It's good for us who are in throes of raising children and staying home with them to be able to say that we are there with the other ones. It's a support that no one else can really give.

David has really been having a tough time lately. Not sure why. He's been defiant and smart mouthed and I'm not certain where it's stemming from. It's hard not to feel like a failure.

My friend Dana came to visit me from Athens and that was good. It was nice to have adult conversation and we even got to see a movie! Thank you, Chuck, for letting us get away on Father's Day and for staying with the kids. It was a really nice treat. We saw Prince Caspian and it was so so good. It's a must see if you like that sort of movie.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I do appreciate it.

Very Bad Day

I'm having a very bad day. I'm not sure why exactly I just feel so sad and frustrated and a number of other things. Of course it freaks the kids out because they're not sure what's going on. David keeps saying, "I know how you feel." Does he really? Does he understand what it feels like to not have 15 minutes to myself? To have the main players in my life all need me and make constant demands of my time and energy? Does he understand how it feels to get to the end of the day and just want to sit down in a clean house except that isn't possible? Does he know how that all feels? I just don't think so. I appreciate his trying to though. It's very sweet.

I know that there is a strength for me in the Lord. And I will dip into that. Definitely. It may just take me some time crying it out first. Hopefully I won't do irreparable harm to my children's feelings before I get there!

I really don't know if I have a main issue except that I want to scream really loudly for a long time. And of course all of this makes me feel like a crappy mother and wife. Really crappy.

And do you know what set me off? David ate my new tube of lipgloss. Ate it, people. He was chewing on the roller ball that caps it off. I had one new nice thing and my 3 year old destroyed it. I know that lipgloss isn't a big thing but it's the only nice thing that I have right now.....more tears.

I'm going to quite posting now. I'll post again when my outlook improves.

Vacation Time!

We went to lake Blackshear for our vacation. We were there for 5 days and it was so wonderful! We just enjoyed each other and the kids for a few days and then some friends of ours came over and stayed for 2 nights. It was really perfect. Lots of sun and water and naps. Could I have asked for anything more?

During our vacation David let us know that his toenails were long to better help him climb trees and he asked if apples could get married. I know, I know....

Rae has a new noise like she is hocking a really gross thing in her throat. It's weird.

I really enjoyed being with Chuck. It seemed like our life pressures were off on a vacation of their own and it was just us. Really nice.

I have no pictures, of course. Just nice memories.

Giving Up The Hurt

I have a "flash in the pan" kind of temper. I get really bent out of shape about something and then I want to be over it and feel repentant over my anger....Most of the time.

You know when someone says or does something that hurts your feelings (okay, your husband) and you instantly know it was a mistake on their part? Sometimes Chuck says things that just don't come out right. He means something totally different but it really sounds horrible. When we were first married it caused a lot (and I mean a pile) of fights but as we have been married I have come to understand and try to give him some grace for his lack of finesse with words.

Well, tonight, I just didn't want to give up the hurt. You know what I mean? It really wasn't a big deal. I understood what he meant and not just what he said but for some inexplicable reason I just wanted to stay mad. What is that about? I sulked and stomped around the house, not talking with my mouth but talking with every other part of me (y'all know what I mean!) and then finally it hit me, "It's not worth the separation between us. Give up the hurt."

Why do I not want to give the hurt up, though? Why would I want to hold onto something that will only hurt me individually and our relationship with each other? That's stupid! Really stupid. I hate it when I do that. It's just not worth it.

Discipline, Discipline, Discipline

I have to say thank you to Kristen for posting on how some days are all about discipline. It's so good to hear someone else say it! There are days when I think, "Wow, I must be a pretty good mama. My kids are well behaved, they love each other, they are obedient...I'm doing something right." Then there are the other days when it just seems like no matter what I say or do everything is such a struggle.

But I think it is that way because it is a reflection of our own hearts and the Lord. I mean, there are times when I really do feel like I've got this relationship thing down. I'm obedient to His voice, I'm actively seeking his voice and what He is saying and doing and I'm pleased with my progress. Then there are other times when I just am not interested. I don't usually say no I just tend to ignore Him or pretend to not hear.

I'm really just like a wayward child. And my wayward children make me want to scream like Jan Brady, "Discipline, discipline, discipline! It's all about discipline!"

Two different Settings

We used to have this old lawnmower when I was a teenager. It had two speed settings, one with a picture of a rabbit for fast and a picture of a turtle for slow.

I have two children. One's the rabbit and one's the turtle. David is set on high speed until he loses consciousness for the night. Rae is steady slow and calm pretty much all the time.

It's strange how they have the same parents, same lifestyle, same training and they are two such different individuals. It truly boggles my mind.

I'm in love with both my turtle and my rabbit and they both offer such different delights within themselves to our family. It will be fun to see what we get with the next baby!

The Elder Brother

I hate it when God shows me when I've screwed up. Okay, I don't hate it it's just really uncomfortable. Okay, it's not uncomfortable it sucks.

You see, the Lord has been showing me how my heart is like the elder brothers. This is what I mean, I'm not exactly like him, I love it when the prodigal comes home I just hate all the fuss over the prodigal when he doesn't deserve it. See? I have a sick heart. As if all the fuss endangers my place in His heart or my happiness, peace ,etc.

It's ridiculous I know. I've repented. I know it's up to God to change me now it's just so gross and embarassing. Why am I writing about it then? I'm not sure. I guess I'm trying to wrap my mind around it and I needed to write it out. Who knows.

I've decided that it's easy to be generous with my money. When we have it to give we give it and it's not the least bit painful. What about generosity with my thoughts and my actions, though? And isn't it so much easier to be generous with strangers than with those whose hearts we know. We get caught up in all of the "yes, but I know this about them..." Why they don't "deserve" our generosity.

I'm sure I'm not the only one like this and it's okay if nobody else claims to feel like this too but I felt like maybe I needed to say it out loud.

Okay, there you go.

OJ and Coke

David told me with the saddest face last night that he wanted to be big and then he would drink orange juice and coke! Who knew his deprivation was this severe? He can't have OJ because his body is really sensitive to the citric acid. He inherited that from me. And there is just too much sugar in coke. Too funny.

We had a good weekend. The wedding was really nice. The Lord showed me some things in myself that I'm not quite ready to expound on yet but will soon. The house is nasty. We got to spend some good time with Chuck's cousin Somer and her husband and baby. That was probably the best part of the weekend.

It was good.

My 3 year old longs for OJ and Coke....

Fair Warning

I'm giving y'all fair warning that I might not be around much this week. Chuck's sister is getting married this weekend and we have kicked off the week with a busy schedule. Today David and I went to pick up the wedding dress and a few bridesmaid dresses from alterations and being steamed. After delivering the dress to the specified location we came home and they are in bed.

I fully intend to update y'all on the new/old car we got. (Okay, it's not old, it's an 04 but it's not technically new either) Pregnancy, potty training and the like.

Actually, let me say this about potty training, we were gone all morning and David did not have any accidents. No accidents for the past few days either. It's going really well.

So, give me some time. Maybe next week?

Haggling

Okay, so I'm shopping for new cars via the Internet and phone conversations. I've narrowed it down to two. And guess what - I hate haggling. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hate feeling like I'm trying to cheat someone else. It stinks.

I'm not trying to cheat anyone else but it still feels like it (or at least I think that they think that I am). So, I'm asking for "rock bottom" prices. Yick.

Anyway, Chuck is better at this but doesn't have the time for it right now. He does, however, like to tell me the "better" way to do it. I'm really tempted to tell him that the better way is to do it himself but I won't. I'll probably just have diarrhea from the anxiety.

Proper Update

It's me again, Margaret. Bet you thought I would never blog again, huh? Well, you were wrong. It's just taken me a while.

David is in fully potty training mode now and is only wearing diapers at nap time and night time. It's a constant all day situation. He's actually doing very well but I have started dreaming (or having nightmares) about wet and dirty underwear. It's interesting.

Rae is teething. Wow. That's all I have to say about that.

We are looking for a newer car so I've been spending hours daily researching and scouring the internet for a great deal.

Chuck has started planting stuff so now our days are long and our nights are short. I can really tell it bothers David. He's not doing stuff that David can be along for so it kind of stinks for him. He's sort of clingy to Chuck at night time.

I'm tired again. I thought I had passed that stage but apparantly not.

There. That's a proper update.

The Wild Wild West

We had a show down at my house yesterday and, surprisingly, it was with Rae. I'm telling you, it was like being in the Wild West in an alley with loaded guns. It was brutal.

Rae threw her food on the floor. She's knows not to do this. It's a standing rule in our house. When told to pick up her corn - she wouldn't. Rae, pick up the corn or you will get a spanking. Another refusal. A spanking. Rae, pick up the corn or you will get a spanking. Another refusal. A spanking. IT went on like this for a good 30 minutes when I just couldn't spank any more. I wasn't trying to hurt her, just give her consequences she can understand.

A word on spanking. I believe in spanking. It works for us (usually) and I'm happy with that decision. Everyone has their opinions. That's okay.

So, after the first 30 minutes of beating my head against the wall, figuratively speaking, I try another tactic. I get her passy, blanket, and a cup of milk and sit them right beside me. By this time she is exhausted and I figure all of her bedtime stuff would be enough to lure her into obedience. WRONG. She fell asleep sitting up crying. IT was pitiful. At that point, I just took her hand, squished it around the corn, brushed it off into the tray and said, "Good girl. Rae was obedient."

Huh. She knows and I know and she knows that I know that she won that round. This was one of the more frustrating moments of parenthood. I've read JAmes Dobson and I recognized this as a moment of establishing turf. Who's the boss here? I got that part. But did I do the right thing? I don't know. If I could go back and re-do? I still don't know. No clue. I feel like a less than adequate mother because I just don't know.

Thankfully, the Lord does. And I will keep asking His opinion and doing the best I know how, however that works out.

Pap Smear

First of all, isn't that the grossest name they could have given that? I mean, it's disgusting. I had my first physical appt. (of many during the pregnancy) with a midwife yesterday where they did the pap smear, pelvic and breast exam. I always hate those. It doesn't matter how many children you've had - they hurt! And they always say, "Now just relax." Yeah right. You are probing me with a foreign object and it feels like it. Sure I can relax, maybe if I were dead or had an epidural or something. I think an epidural is totally warranted for an event like that. Completely. Not over the top at all.

Can I get an amen?

The Things We Take For Granted

Here's a thought about a thing we often take for granted.

Chuck's grandmother moved here from SC into a cute little house within the gates of our retirement community. She is a daily part of our lives and we love that. Today she had a bad day. She is naturally prone to anxiety and melancholy and it sort of took over today. That's okay - it happens.

So here's what I was thinking. Her husband of 50 years died 4 years ago. I wonder if she misses having her hand held. I wonder if she misses the heat of lying next to someone in bed at night. What must it feel like to go four years without that other body that almost seems like part of you? Granted, neither she nor her husband are overly affectionate but still...there are little tiny intimacies of marriage that she would have to long for. I mean, after 50 years it has got to be a difficult transition.

When you are single and have never been married there are things you don't know that you would miss, as I recall from my own single days. I was a lot more content then as opposed to how I think I would feel now if I were suddenly widowed.

Anyway, it's just a thought. Makes me a little sad for her.

Pregnancy and Potty Training

I don't remember being so irritable with either of my earlier pregnancies. I mean, okay a little bit when I was pregnant with Rae but this time the levels are off the charts. It's ridiculous. And I don't like it at all. I hate feeling like my frustrations well up in me and they sometimes feel uncontrollable. It kind of scares me.

On the other front, David wore underwear to Pizza Hut today and stayed dry through the whole meal! We had two "false alarms" in bathroom trips but that's cool. At least we didn't have to take a soggy 3 year old home with us. I'm very pleased. I'm beginning to think we're making progress.

Right now he is refusing to eat his supper. Which would be fine if we didn't have a babysitter coming whom he would undoubtedly tell, "I'm hungry. I didn't eat supper" right as his bedtime drew near.

Rae is already in the bed bless her heart.

Our Newest Addition

So, for the one or two of you who do not already know...We're having another baby! Our due date is November 3 and we had our first ultrasound today. The heart was beating strongly at 158 beats a minute and he was waving his little hands and feet around like crazy. Very fun and very reassuring to hear that everything looks good.

I now have a stomach full of Mexican food. Must nap.

My Long Absence

I have a lot of legitimate excuses about why it has been so long since my last post. The explain alot but I'm not going to waste time with those. I will say this, however, most of my other blog friends, except my newest one, Christy, have been extremely lax as well. So, I don't feel so bad.

We really have had a lot going on and on top of all of it David is going through a testing stage. I'm not sure why but I have the sense that he's testing me. It's like, if we put him in his bed he gets up eight times. I thought we had that lesson worked out already! It's as if he's checking to see if I forgot about it or changed my mind. Sheesh. I'm tired of this stage for real.

Rae cried for Erin yesterday when she left. She reached for her while in my arms. I'm so relieved! Maybe that means her separation anxiety stage is lessening. I certainly hope so. It's too much pressure to be the only one she is happy with. Just too much.

That is all for now. I should have more later this week.

TV Families

Has anyone ever noticed that tv families are strange? Either they fight all of the time about everything or they are just weird. For example, it seems like every couple on tv has an unlimited supply of energy for steamy sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like it as much as the next woman but really. I'm exhausted by 9:00! (No, make that 7:30) Chuck and I are happy but we are not the Cosby family dancing into the bedroom every night.

And have you ever really paid attention to the kids on tv? Little Johhny and Susie are perfect. If a visitor comes to see dad, Johnny politely says hello (Susie is MIA) and then goes to do an art project with mom while dad has a conference. My "Johnny" refuses to leave when visitors are around because he smells a fresh audience. "Susie" is terrified of strange faces. She's immediately shrieking and climbing on top of my head.

Something just doesn't add up here. Am I alone in this?

Cleaning My Nest

It has recently come to my attention that my spiritual "nest" needs some housecleaning. Mama and I were discussing, several weeks back, how some things in your "nest" can crowd out others. For example, when I hold onto unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, hurt, mustrust, whatever - the list could go on and on - my nest gets crowded. Where's the room for happiness, thankfulness, joy and all of the other cool stuff?

And it's interesting to me that my nest shrinks when I get junk in it but seems to expand when its filled to the brim with good stuff. When I am holding onto the past hurts or whatever it seems like I can't get happy. Everything is dim and gloomy and not as it should be. But when I focus on the good and the positive things that God is doing, I am unable to capture with words all of the blessings in my life! And it is mostly a matter of perspective.

So, my Faithful Father has brought to my mind a few things that I need to let go of. Surprisingly, things I thought I had already let go but apparantly not. I'm willing because I can always use more good and perfect gifts in my nest. And we know that every good and perfect gift comes from our Father above.

Quiet Nights

All is quiet at my house. David and his daddy are snuggled on the couch watching The Sound of Music, Rae is sleeping peacefully, and I am looking around at all of the things that need doing and am ignoring them.

I had a rough week. I either had food poisoning thanks to some iffy mushrooms, or I had one of the worst stomach bugs known to man. Either way, it was really a nightmare. I am much better but today I napped when the kids did and I slept like someone who has been forced to stay awake for 48 hours. I was so unbelievably tired.

I did the bare minimum in my house today and it shows. I have family coming in this weekend and the house may or may not reflect that by tomorrow evening when they arrive. I will have to see how my energy holds out...

Big Movie

We took David to his first "big movie" this weekend. We saw Horton Hears A Who and it was so fun. David did great (but we did have to slip him a passy to keep him relatively quiet for 2 hours) and he got lots of time alone with Mama and Daddy.

If I was a better mother I would have pictures or video to commemorate the event. But I don't.

Button Button Who's Got The Button?

I am a woman with a lot of buttons. I have a "Don't make me angry" button. I also have a "You're on my last nerve" button. But perhaps most unfortunately I have a "Gripping fear" button. And it got pushed this weekend.

As some background, I am a transformed fearful person. I can remember living with paralyzing fear over a variety of issues ever since I was a little girl. Now, due to my Father's saving grace and transforming power, I rarely feel that fear any more. At least not in such great measure. Except when it comes to my children and husband. Okay, mostly my children.

So this weekend a relative pushed my fear button. Not intending harm, she made a few thoughtless comments about my family, which in turn pushed my most dreaded of buttons. I was a little angry, but mostly afraid. Afraid that what she said was true and that it was a fact. Afraid, almost, that it was our destiny, I guess, as if the power of Christ is not greater than a few thoughtless words.

Oh me of little faith and love. The Bible tells us that perfect love casts out all fear and he who is afraid has not allowed himself to be perfected in love. That's me. I have obviously not allowed myself enough time at my Father's feet absorbing his powerful love and truth for the lives of my family. AND our word at church last night was so powerful for me. What a well timed truth for my heart.

I have power in my words and - thank you Mrs. Janice - I am the authority over my children and I reject and rebuke any "curse" that was handed to us. So here goes, I will try it out.

World Wide Web hear me - I am not afraid! My family will thrive. My children will grow healthy, physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially. Mine and Chuck's parenting skills are enough. We will pass on a heritage of faith and love for the Lord and our children will receive a deep understanding of how great the Father's love for them is. They will be like trees planted by the rivers of water and will flourish even when times are hard. And I am not afraid.

So take that satan. And I'm thinking about sewing on a new button. I think I will get a "You've really pissed me off now, enemy, and I'm going to fight you tooth and nail" button.

I'll keep you updated on how my button is developing.

Whiny Brat Moment

I had a whiny brat moment today. I could blame it on a few different reasons, tiredness, hormones, et cetera, et cetera but really the truth is I just acted ugly.

I hate it when I do that. I end up feeling like a two year old. It all stemmed from expectations that I had that were not met exactly the way I had envisioned. Sigh...When will I learn? It makes me really frustrated.

And then I am reminded that every moment is a new one.

No More Passy

Well, we did it. We cut off the ole pacifier addiction. And I can assure you, it was an addiction. David has loved a passy from day one. He would always suck on one to calm himself and it ocurred to me when we took it away yesterday that this could be a little bit traumatic. I mean, he's had one his whole life. He's never gone without. Too sad.

He's done really well, though. A few tears and a little whining but not too bad. He has told me that he "needs one" a few times but other than that not too much protesting. I guess it was just time. Timing is everything, isn't it? When they are ready, the next step is a walk in the park. When they aren't, prepare for the battle.

Why do we eat our on poop?

A few days ago I had the thought, "Rae hasn't ever taken her diaper off. Maybe she will skip the poop eating stage." Not so my friends. Yesterday I walked into her bedroom and found my sweet little princess p eating her own poop. That's right. She had doodoo all over her face, passy, bottle, hair, etc. She was coverered in it and having a great time. I walked in, looked at her, and she pointed to the pile of crap in her bed and said, "What's that?"

I'm thinking she already knew since she had obviously tasted it. Disgusting. I was grossed out the first time David did that but nothing can prepare you for seeing your teensy weensy precious little girl covered in her own crap.

Whining Makes Me Sick!

I love PBS. They have cute shows and I can trust that their content is cool for the kids - Most of the time. Sorry PBS, but you struck out with the show Caillou, in my opinion. For those of you who are not familiar with this particular show, it's about a whiny 4 year old named Caillou and everything is about him. I mean everything. His mother is so considerate of his feelings that it makes me want to scream!

Don't get me wrong, let's try to be considerate of our children's feelings but you have to draw the line somewhere. This kid's parents don't and I refuse to let my kids watch the show. It is also, I might add, where David learned to say, "Bad, Mama!" Yeah, I nixed it after that.

So now I just tell David that Caillou is whiny and whining is ugly. We don't like the show now. Most of the time he still begs to watch it but one day he said, "We don't watch Caillou, Mama. Caillou is so whiny and whining makes me sick." Me too baby, me too.

Because the more I think about it, whining does make us sick. It infects us as insidiously as does cancer or any other terrible disease. It sneaks up on us. First we whine about how our particular situation is tough. And sometimes it really is. But soon that's all we can see or think about. How everything is hard or frustrating and it's all happening to me! At least that's the way it is in my life. And before I know it, I can't see the forest for the trees. I can't see the good, only the hard. I can't see the blessings, only the obstacles. And I can't see the arm of the Lord coming to rescue and relieve me, I only see the hand of my enemy.

So, yes, whining makes me sick, spiritually, that is. It makes me sick and it's one disease that I have complete control over whether or not I get sick.

Even A Child...

Proverbs 20:11 says "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."

Sigh....That's how I feel when I read that verse. On the one hand it reinforces the importance that I place on training my children, discipline, and the like. But on the other more depressing hand, it reminds me that, unfortunately, even children build reputations based on their behaviors.

I wish it wasn't like that. I wish that people could see into the hearts of my children the way that I do. I would like for people to see David acting crazy and be able to reason, "He's tired. He's had a long day or he is just overwhelmed." Whatever the underlying reason is for his behavior. But that is usually not the case.

Which leads into my coversation with David yesterday. So he was wearing his Burger King crown yesterday in the car. When I looked in the rearview mirror I exclaimed, "David, you're a king!" His response? "No, I'm just a kid." Okay, so at this point I'm clueing into the spiritual lesson to be taught here. I respond, "David, you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation. It doesn't matter if you take your crown off. You are still a child of the king."

Proverbs 20 also says, in verse 27, that "the lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being."

Thank you for that redeeming last point! My kids' heavenly father will search out their spirits. Even when they act crazy, He will search their hearts to understand the reasons and motivations for their behaviors. He will know that they are Kingdom children even when they don't wear their crowns.

Ah, the grace of God. Not only to my children but to me too.

An Audience Of One

It's so hard to discipline and feel like you are doing the right thing when you have an audience. Whether the audience is your family or friends, it's still really difficult.

And it seems there is no "right way" to do the right thing by your children and do you know how frustrated that makes me feel? I want concrete answers and how to's. I want an exact algorithm for raising happy, healthy children who are set up for success later in life.

I hate it when I lose my cool and yell at my kids. I hate it when I allow myself to get so frustrated that I forget who the two year old is! I really really hate it when I feel like I am not enough for the people who need me to be enough. I hate to feel like I'm failing.

Okay, there it is. I hate to feel like I'm failing - my children, my husband, my self. It sucks.

But you can only fail a test, something that there has been a bar set for. Where you have a least amount and a greatest amount possible to be earned. Instead, in parenting, we're just doing the best we can. I listen, I hear what my Father says, and then I give it a try. Sometimes I feel pleasure about the way a particular situation turns out and sometimes I feel despair. But in the end, it doesn't matter. I am enough for my children, with all of my faults, the way that the Lord, with all of His perfection, is enough for me.

One day they will grow and that dependence and need will be transferred to their Father. That is my goal.

I parent to an Audience Of One. His opinion of my skills is all that matters. He brings Chuck and I together on issues and He enables us to support one another. He gives me the insight when I sometimes lose it and act like the toddler instead of my children. He gives me the strength to start over and try again instead of running away. And running away is indeed what I have been tempted to do time and time again.

Instead, I stay and parent to My Audience of One.

Strong Wills

It's official, both of my kids are strong willed. We have wondered about Rae because her will so rarely asserts itself but she confirmed my suspicions yesterday.

David we have known about from his earliest days. We were very concious first time parents and we worked on his obedience relentlessly. He tried us about everything. He still does. He makes no secret of the fact that he gets tired of being told what to do. At least that is easy to understand.

Rae is different. She is completely compliant and easy most of the time. She doesn't fuss, demand her own way, or make any kind of waves. But boy when she gets it in her mind, that other tiny percentage of the time she is a real pistol! Yesterday I kept telling her no about touching the computer power button. We had to progress to popping the hand, then to swatting her bottom, then her lef, then we just kept on. Finally she got tired of the "game" and turned to me and laughed! She let me know that it was over for her only because she thought it was funny and she was ready to move on. Yikes.

I think we have not worked on discipline with her like we did with David because she is so sweet and tiny. It's sometimes difficult to not think of her as a tiny baby who doesn't understand. She does. She said, "Where's David" this morning. Hello, Mom!

What's a mother to do?

Green Housekeeping Update

My clothes drying on the line. Inspirational, I'm sure. I am trying to eliminate the dryer at least a few loads a week. So far so good. And I used a vinegar and water solution to clean my microwave this past weekend. It worked really well and came out nice and clean. The Green Housekeeping Project is coming along nicely.

Sometimes it's tough being a kid. You have to take time out for the little things like tv watching and relaxation.

She looks like the tin man just without the suit. So cute.

Fleas and Snakes

We've had a busy week. Lots going on and plenty of fun stuff to tell.

First of all my green housekeeping is progressing. I dried 4 or 5 loads of clothes on my new clothesline. Pretty exciting. I felt like such a hero for the environment. I know it is precious little but at least it's a start. I'm posting a picture soon so you can envision.

Snakes - We had a little baby snake on our front porch this week. Gross. I hate snakes. I am terrified of them and what really scares me the most is that David has no fear of anything. He loves all creatures great and small and wants to "investigate" them. Actually, let me take that back. He hates ladybugs. He told me he doesn't trust them. I'm still not sure where he got that from.

Fortunately for me, I have a heroic father who eliminated the baby snake. Unfortunately for me, I have a practical friend who pointed out that if there is a baby snake there are parent snakes. There whereabouts are still unknown.

Fleas - We have fleas in our backyard. I did not discover this until David was COVERED in bites. Could I have felt more like a trashy and incompetent mother? Absolutely not. The dog no longer lives with us but her fleas do. Great. Ignoring all grean housekeeping advice, my chemically licensed husband sprayed the heck out of the yard. The fleas are going down.

I asked him how the spraying went. His reply was, "Like the running of the bulls." What? "The bulls always die, baby. "

Okay, fine with me when it comes to fleas and snakes.

Green Housekeeping

I recently bought a book called Green Housekeeping. I am very interested in eliminating chemicals from our house that don't need to be here. I also want to do some things that will help be good to the environment. Soooo, I'm going to give it a shot. But all things in moderation, right?

Today I'm going to Wal-Mart and am going to buy some clothpins. I already have a line up in the yard that would work for a clothesline and when the weather cooperates (which it has been doing lately) I could hang some clothes on the line instead of using my dryer. That cuts down on my energy consumption and uses resources that are already available to me. Now, I know that Shireen is probably gritting her teeth that we have weather warm enough for that already but hang in there girl surely the snow and cold can't last forever.

So, I'll keep you posted on how my going green adventure progresses. If I only make one or two small changes at least it is a start.

Feet

So, David announced yesterday that his feet smelled tired.

What? Where do they come up with this stuff? He is really so smart and he remembers everything you have said! Don't promise him anything you don't have every intention of following through with. He will hold you to it.

He met a new friend in the grocery store today and they yelled HEY at each other the whole time we were shopping. It was pretty funny. By the time out trip was over her mommy and I had agreed to a playdate.

Does that happen only in Camilla? Or only amongst stay at home mothers?

Potty Progress

Today, out of nowhere, David tells me he has wet his diaper and wants a new one. Later on he told me that he had pooped in it. At lunchtime he stripped off his diaper and came out of his room sporting training underwear. And then before naptime he peed in his potty for some chocolate.

That's progress, folks. Don't know how or why but I'm grateful.

So Much More To Come

For those of you reading this blog that are first time mothers, (okay, Shireen) there is so much more to come than the loss of things described in my last post. One thing that will come your way is the manipulation.

Now, if your baby is under a year, you probably smile and say, "Oh, they are so manipulative, aren't they?" Huh...You haven't seen anything but the cute stuff yet. I'm not talking about the little pouts they do to get their way. I'm talking about the full blown fits resembling something seen in a deliverance session and the comments that cut you straight to your heart.

For example, David got out of his bed a few minutes ago after being settled in for the night. That's a big no-no. After receiving his mild spanking and having a far too dramatic reaction over it, he starts begging for his baby bed. What?!? Yes, he is asking for his crib that is now in the attic.

Talk about feeling low. Not only do I hate the feeling that I get after spanking him but now I feel like I am robbing him of his childhood by making him sleep in a big boy bed. How does he know that this will make me feel like a crumb? I don't know, he just does.

It's unbelievable what a three year old can do to his parents. Who knew? So, first time parents, get ready to experience some unbelievable manipulation because I can guarantee you that your child will be ready to dish it out.

Loss of....something

I've noticed that I have a loss of something. I'm not sure what to call it or how even to phrase it. You see, I just wiped my runny nose on David's dirty jammies. Sure, they are going to be washed anyway, but what kind of person does that? I would have never done that before I had children. Tissues and kleenex are for nose wiping. Gross.

Is that a loss of a social skill? Is it manners? Is it normal adult functioning? Whatever it is, I have lost it. It must have been birthed out with the placenta because I haven't seen it since he was born. Scary.

The Sweetest Sights

The first sweetest sight I saw the other day was my two children playing side by side. I was sitting on the steps and they were completely engrossed in playing in the sandbox. No pushing, yelling, scissor holds, etc. just sweet playing. I cannot tell you how that made me feel.

I was actually able to put both of them in Rae's crib the other day to keep them contained. Nobody died or had to go to the ER! It was a momentous occasion.

The other sweetest sight I took a picture of but I can't put it up. Laws and everything. David wanted to play in the water - naked except for his rubber boots. Cutest and sweetest thing you've ever seen. Just not appropriate for the internet.

Potty Training: Round 1

David and I began our first round of potty training this morning. I felt like it was disasterous, Hannah said she didn't think so.

He peed in the potty three times, all times when he was already sitting there or when I realized he was about to go and rushed him there in time. I don't think he understands the concept quite yet. One time he looked at me and said, "Mama, I'm wet!" with absolute surprise in his voice. Teetee was dripping onto his feet. So sad.

And let's talk about doodoo in the potty. Yeah right. He accidentally pooped into his box of books. Sorry, Max Lucado, but one of your books got trashed this morning. No book, in my opinion, is worth wiping off after your two year old son has crapped on it. No book.

I was feeling pretty depressed but after talking with Hannah (and hearing her survey results from other more experienced moms) I think I may postpone potty training until the warmer months when I can turn him loose outside naked. I'm not convinced that he is totally ready, physically and developmentally, nor am I convinced that I am ready either. Maybe we will call this round a loss and move on but if it helps my emotional state then I call it a win. I don't want to end up with a battle between on us resulting from potty training. It's not worth it. Hopefully he will kick the diaper habit before he goes to college.

We'll see.

Independence

My almost three year old is ready to declare it Independence Day. He is tired of constantly being told No, don't touch that, eat this, go here, do this, don't do this, etc.... He's tired of being bossed around, basically. Who can blame him? His whole life is dictated by me.

I'm trying to be sensitive to that and give him choices about some things. Such as, he can choose when he eats and I choose what he eats. He can pick out his clothes. I let him tell me no on some things if they are not hugely important. Well...let me clarify that. I let him tell me No Ma'am on some things. It's tricky. I can say nope to him. He better not tell me nope. I can say No, David. He is not allowed to say No, Mama.

It's interesting. I'm trying to be sensitive and understanding while retaining my job as mother.

It's an interesting balance.

Princess P

We call Rae Princess P for two reasons - She used to always say, "Peeeee" and she certainly has Princess sass. Wherever I go, she goes. She's exactly like that old "My Buddy" commercial. She in constantly crawling after me and boy is she a beggar. She likes to stand at the edge of my chair and open her little bird mouth.

She's always begging for food which is funny because she is so tiny. And it really doesn't matter if she has just eaten a pile, she always has room for more.

She is a funny funny girl and now David has started telling me, "Mama, Rae is a princess and I am a King."

That's right babies. Remember your royal heritage and never settle for anything less.

Jobless in GA

So I suddenly find myself without a job and while I am strangely relieved I am also strangely uneasy. I'm sort of drifting around the house. There are plenty of things to do around here. I have lots of projects that need my attention and yet I know I have no intention of doing them.

Maybe I am so used to working under a deadline and the pressure of time running out. Maybe that is what is making me so aimless. I'm not sure. I've got to work on that though.

The funny part is that it is only like my second day without working. What will I be like in three weeks?