I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend of mine yesterday. She has a couple of small children and is currently staying home with them. She's worn out. She started talking about how she just wanted to sleep and not wake up and how she wanted to check herself into a Mental Health Facility (let's just use MHF for short here).
So, I started to ask her the important questions like, "Do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to hurt your children?" (okay, any more than the rest of us do when they have smart mouths?) And it finally came to me and I asked her, "Friend, do you really want to kill yourself and stuff your children into body bags or do you just want 3 or 4 days off to sleep as much as you want?"
What was her reply? Exactly what mine would have been, "But Kate, they will cook all of my meals and keep the place clean and they would have to listen to me! Plus, I wouldn't be allowed to have children there."
This is pretty funny to me and pretty serious to me all at the same time. Haven't we all felt like that at some point? Okay, so some of us haven't actually had to visit a MHF to get away but there is certainly a breaking point for all of us. The point we get to when we say, "I want out."
Now, if we're smart we will recognize that point before we need a MHF or a permanent out from life. It's really okay, in my opinion, to take an out. Go "out" with a friend before you want to get out of your marriage. Go "out" to the library or grocery store alone before you want out of your children's lives permanently.
How do we get an out? We ask. Ask your family. Ask your friends. (mine were great last weekend by the way, Thanks Anna and Jeannie) Ask your husband. (After all he was there when these kids of yours began) Remember that pride goes before a fall and pretending that you have it all together when you really don't is just stupid. It only hurts you and your family in the long run.
If you are a mother with small children, a single woman with no children, a single woman with children, a mother with older children - you still need an out. Make time for yourself before the MHF starts to call your name!
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9 comments:
Good word, friend. I just took my first full weekend away from Sam at the beach with girlfriends. It was amazing, and I was amazed at how ready for mommy-hood I was when I got back. Not feeling indestructible, just refreshed. Thanks for the reminder.
I like the sound of the nut house myself. No kids, no cell phone, no computer- which means no school, no resposibility! Ahh haven!!
Hi Kate,
Great words...we sometimes forget that we are 100% human flesh. This is the hardest job ever...and we all do need a break. I am so thankful that Gef realizes this, and feel for my friends who basically have to go it alone. As you say...they were there at the beginning. Having your dh watch his own children is not something that should shock people. Even with our 6 kids Gef can hang with the best of them. He may not do it "my way" but they are all taken care of.
Loved the reminder.
Very true. It's ok to take a break...doesn't mean you're any less of a mom. On the contrary, time away gives your batteries time to recharge, instead of being worn down until there's no charge left!
From someone who has actually had the MHF experience...it's definitely a good thing to take the break BEFORE going there...that's what they are going to tell/teach you to do anyway. So, before you spend $2000/day in a hospital, go spend it at the beach retreat instead!
i went to the grocery store last night without any kids and it was heavenly to be able to actually think and shop in absolute quiet.
Thanks Kate. I always enjoy your blogs. They are so uplifting when I am ready to bail out. The last couple of weeks have been really hard for me and I come here you just helped me out. Thanks for being there even when you did not know you were.
Yes, there are days when I choose to take the trash can to the curb just for a few silent moments out of the house. It annoys Robert b/c he feels like it makes him look bad (me taking the trash out) but if anyone were to ask, I would say "He's inside taking care of the kids." We do get desperate sometimes, don't we? We all need a break.
You are incredible at relating this "secret" among women. I've not walked your shoes but I learn so much pre wife/mom! Thanks for sharing your heart and being honest!
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