I hate it when God shows me when I've screwed up. Okay, I don't hate it it's just really uncomfortable. Okay, it's not uncomfortable it sucks.
You see, the Lord has been showing me how my heart is like the elder brothers. This is what I mean, I'm not exactly like him, I love it when the prodigal comes home I just hate all the fuss over the prodigal when he doesn't deserve it. See? I have a sick heart. As if all the fuss endangers my place in His heart or my happiness, peace ,etc.
It's ridiculous I know. I've repented. I know it's up to God to change me now it's just so gross and embarassing. Why am I writing about it then? I'm not sure. I guess I'm trying to wrap my mind around it and I needed to write it out. Who knows.
I've decided that it's easy to be generous with my money. When we have it to give we give it and it's not the least bit painful. What about generosity with my thoughts and my actions, though? And isn't it so much easier to be generous with strangers than with those whose hearts we know. We get caught up in all of the "yes, but I know this about them..." Why they don't "deserve" our generosity.
I'm sure I'm not the only one like this and it's okay if nobody else claims to feel like this too but I felt like maybe I needed to say it out loud.
Okay, there you go.
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3 comments:
here's another thought...perhaps I'm not overflowing with funds because the Lord would rather me give of my time than my money. It's so easy to throw em the cash and pat myself on the back. But when I have to give up my weeknights or my weekends, that's when I feel the heat. No my love, you are not alone on this one.
Good word. And, as our pastor pointed out to us recently, it's these actions that in actuality make us the younger, prodigal brother. We come back to the Lord over and over again with nothing to give and everything to gain. [Does that even make sense?] Hallelujah.
i am so there with you, kate. it is neat that i am reading this post right now because our sermon today at church was about this passage of scripture. i am sometimes the biggest pharisee that i know and i hate it. i want to be loving and forgiving to the people that i know the most and who know me the most but i seem to hold them to a different standard. i love your honesty and openness. praying that God will continue to mold us both to look more like him. only he can make the change in us and all the more reason to get on our faces before him.
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