Searching For The Victories

As my belly grows and things become a little harder around here, I have been drawn to my knees more and more. My times with the Lord have become my lifelines and I'm so grateful. My emotional state has actually become something that I feel is a blessing. It pushes me closer to who He is which I need to know so desperately right now.

With that said, I was feeling very frustrated and disappointed with myself (okay and maybe God too) in that I still feel kind of nutty some days. I still lose my temper with the kids, ocassionally yell, even spank when it's not necessarily needed. And oh the despair that comes when I fail. I feel that I'm back at the bottom with no good things going on.

But I think the Lord is showing me that searching for perfection is foolishness. I need to be searching for the victories and celebrating those. If I want to shout at a whiny toddler 5 times a day and only actually do it 2 times then that is a victory! If I choose time out (even once!) for a defiant, smart mouthed 3 year old when I feel that I would spank too hard then I have won a small battle! There are victories here in this mess of my emotions if only I will look for them.

I am making progress. I really am. I do see maturity (when I allow myself to see the good) and growth in me and I think that My Father is celebrating this and inviting me to join Him.

Isn't it awesome that we serve a God who is excited about who we are becoming and isn't so caught up on what we are not.