Security

I recently met a woman in her early twenties - very sweet, very cute, and very on top of life. She's a big time planner and she was telling me about some of the plans she had made. Think lots of insurance policies, retirement funds, etc. The funny (not really funny, more like interesting) thing was that she had such fear written all over her. She's way more prepared for the future than Chuck and I are (and we have 3 kids!) and yet it seems that she's terrified of it too. This is what got me thinking.

I don't think there is anything wrong with planning. I do believe that the Lord is happy for us to live in nice homes, have plenty to eat, and have our bills covered. I just think that sometimes he allows life to be hard to challenge us to trust and love him. You can plan for the bad but there is no insurance policy to keep it away from your life. You just have to walk through it. Cancer, job losses, death, unpaid bills - all of that happens. Why be afraid of the "stuff" when you know that the Creator of the Universe holds you in his hand?

Last night on Grey's Anatomy (I know, I know) Meredith said she was going to lean into the wind/lean into the fear so she could experience love. I think that is actually sort of profound for a nighttime show! If we choose not to lean into the pain and trauma that sometimes is life then we miss the opportunity to lean into Christ. He is always in the midst of our pain and messes that sometimes the pain and messes are actually a blessing!

So many times I have experienced such comfort from the presence of the Lord because of something painful that it's easy to say thank you for the pain! Of course then there are other times when I can't see the good and feel like Job's friends who said curse God and die!

Anyway, those are the things I'm thinking about. What joy we miss when we try to insulate ourselves from all pain and hurt. The stretching is painful but our Father will not allow it to break us. That's really what I wanted to tell that girl. So I'll tell y'all.

Baby Update

I saw the midwife today and got good news. I've been having lots of contractions lately so I was worried that I might have already dilated and at 34 weeks that would be not good. But! He's still hanging in there and not making any moves toward arrival. That's good. Now, when I hit the 36 week mark - all prayers are off and he needs to start making his way here.

So, all is good here. I'm glad.

Upheaval

Life at our house has been a little chaotic lately. The kids definately know that something is different. I think it is unsettling to them that I can't hold them and pick them up like I usually can. David burst into tears yesterday over some little something and then started asking for Grandma. When I asked why he said so she could hold him and rock him. Sigh... I volunteered to do it but he said my stomach was too big and there was no room for him. This is the part of pregnancy that I don't like. It's hard to see the kids get pushed over a little to make room for a new one.

RAe has been super clingy, another by-product of these late days of pregnancy I think. She wants to be held all the time and refuses to let me out of her sight, even at home. She had gotten better about this and I thought we were turning a corner but apparently not.

On the upside, I am feeling good except for being tired and heavy. That's not too bad to be this late in the game. I'm 33 weeks today so I'm definately making progress. Lots of contractions so I'm hoping that means when it's time that I will have a quick labor.

Anyway, that's our update. I haven't been very good at blogging lately and I make no promises for the weeks to come. Be patient with me!

An Awkward (Thanks for the spell check!) Conversation

So I had a phone call today from PeachState. PeachState is a Medicaid company that is supplementing our health insurance while I am pregnant and for Micah's first year of life. This young sounding guy wanted to enroll the baby for free and send me a Wal-Mart $25 gift card. Okay, I'm up for that but I needed to answer questions first. No problem. I know that's really how they determine what kind of people are using their services and if they are effective. I'm good.

Then he starts his questions. Now let me assure you that if I was having multiple sexual partners or "engaging in risky sexual behaviors" then I would have been embarassed. But since I'm a one man woman it was okay.

Then he starts asking questions about my uterus and vagina (including vaginal discharge!) and it got kinda weird. I finally stopped him and asked, "Doesn't it horrify you to have to ask women these kinds of questions?" He said, "Yes, Ma'am. It was really difficult at first. And some woman have actual answers to some of these questions." Yikes. Bless his heart. I know a job is a job and it's good that he's willing to support his family but again - bless his heart.

Ladies, we need to be interceding for this man a better job. Yick. Can you imagine having to listen to all that kind of info from women all day long? All I can say is bless his heart and God give him another job that does not involve women's vaginas. (Unless of course he is in med school to become a OB/GYN Dr. and he is using this job to supplement his income and in that case.....I don't know.)

Mothers With Young Children And Mental Health Facilities

I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend of mine yesterday. She has a couple of small children and is currently staying home with them. She's worn out. She started talking about how she just wanted to sleep and not wake up and how she wanted to check herself into a Mental Health Facility (let's just use MHF for short here).

So, I started to ask her the important questions like, "Do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to hurt your children?" (okay, any more than the rest of us do when they have smart mouths?) And it finally came to me and I asked her, "Friend, do you really want to kill yourself and stuff your children into body bags or do you just want 3 or 4 days off to sleep as much as you want?"

What was her reply? Exactly what mine would have been, "But Kate, they will cook all of my meals and keep the place clean and they would have to listen to me! Plus, I wouldn't be allowed to have children there."

This is pretty funny to me and pretty serious to me all at the same time. Haven't we all felt like that at some point? Okay, so some of us haven't actually had to visit a MHF to get away but there is certainly a breaking point for all of us. The point we get to when we say, "I want out."

Now, if we're smart we will recognize that point before we need a MHF or a permanent out from life. It's really okay, in my opinion, to take an out. Go "out" with a friend before you want to get out of your marriage. Go "out" to the library or grocery store alone before you want out of your children's lives permanently.

How do we get an out? We ask. Ask your family. Ask your friends. (mine were great last weekend by the way, Thanks Anna and Jeannie) Ask your husband. (After all he was there when these kids of yours began) Remember that pride goes before a fall and pretending that you have it all together when you really don't is just stupid. It only hurts you and your family in the long run.

If you are a mother with small children, a single woman with no children, a single woman with children, a mother with older children - you still need an out. Make time for yourself before the MHF starts to call your name!